I had a chill in my bones. A frozen flush that would not leave. I shiver within, all throughout the evening. To thaw myself, I started with two cups of tea . Dried meadow-sweet leaves, I picked in the summer. Crisp now, they await their awakening, again, in my little Japanese teapot. The gorgeous anti-inflammatory meadow-sweet contains salicyclic acid, the ingredient in aspirin. After a frosty day in the woods, I head up to bed feeling more at ease. Throughout the night I peel off, one at a time, the three pairs of socks I was wearing. Then the vest, top and jumper, final, down to nakedness: my preference. It’s only just become Autumn, but Jack Frost is creeps closer. Soon enough, we will be able to blow bubbles onto grass in the morning light. Children will huddle around to witness the frost consume the bubble. Watching a bubble freeze, it is as if time it’s self, has stopped. Now you are looking into a private world.

After working as an assistant manager for five years in our Scottish woodland, this is what I have come to know. Every fiber of our being wants to be in nature, as much as possible. I’ve become a forager. I play an endless game of hunting for edible and medicinal treasure. The woodland has its own language. Very, very slowly, I have started to see, listen and experience a little more clearly.

Already, I miss the trees.

Leaving the woods means leaving an identity I have built. A self that I really like. I think of all my past selves. The wild party girl has gone. I am a woman in this woodland, walking towards the light.

Trees shed their leaves by reducing a particular hormone, auxin. The bond between branch and leaf weaken. The wind blows the leaf away, eventually. Letting go is not easy. I watch those leaves hold on tight, twisting in the high winds. I am uncertain letting go is the right thing to do, but the wind is blowing now. I remember the voice inside yearning of change and adventure. She is quiet now as the wind pulls us apart.